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Don’t be afraid…

…to ask for help. This is a concept I have struggled with, my entire life. To ask for help is to admit defeat. At least that’s what I always thought. But sometimes help is your only option.

For as long as I can remember, my mind has never really been right. It’s been a dangerous place for my self esteem and overall mental health. It’s a terrible, terrible thing when your mind is against you. When it manages to convince you that you’re worthless and undeserving of any shred of happiness that manages to come your way. It turns you against people. People that you know, deep down under all that self loathing, care more about you than you could ever imagine. It makes you sabotage something good, just to save yourself from a heartache you know is inevitable. It makes you believe that you are toxic. And that your only course of action is to isolate yourself and stay as far away from friends and family as possible.

And sometimes, it tries to convince you to just give up.

And that seems like a wonderful option. Relieve the people in your life of the burden that is your overall existence. 

But it’s not a wonderful option. And that’s your moment to realize that getting help isn’t weak. It’s actually a strength beyond any you thought you could possess. Because it means you want to keep going. To keep trudging through the darkness and the hatred that’s built up inside of you, and find that light. Even if it’s something small and barely visible. It’s there. 

That’s something I had to do. I was sinking. Drowning in my own mind. I have a lot of work to do. It’s not a quick fix. It never is. But it’s worth it. It has to be. There are reasons for me to hang on and to keep going. I haven’t really found them yet, I’ll be honest. But it’s only been a short period of time since making all of these realizations. 

I believe that I will get better; That I will be ok. 

If you’ve made it this far down the post, thank you. For listening. For sticking with me. I can’t do this without you.



The Time Has Come…

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…I bet you expected me to follow that up with THAT line. Joke’s on you.

There isn’t actually any joke to this post though. I think we all noticed that there has been nothing but radio silence from me for almost two years. Beyond the usual “creative blocks” and “hitting the wall” excuses I throw around on a regular basis, my heart really wasn’t in this much. It hasn’t been for a long time. The truth is, my heart hasn’t been in anything for a long time. And all of that disinterest and disassociation finally caught up with me. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, I’m not going in to any details. But it’s been a rough adjustment and I’ve found myself in a position that I sort of didn’t expect to be in. I think my feet are starting to reach the ground again and my head might be ready to break the surface soon.

I’ve fallen out of love with a lot of aspects of my life and I’m slowly working on finding that love again. I can’t promise that I am going to be back with the same enthusiasm for nail polish that I once had. Recently, I’ve been playing with a lot of makeup. So there could be times when I come back with some pictures of my face. Brace yourselves.

I guess what I’m asking you guys for, is some understanding and some patience while I try and figure out just where I want to go from here. I’m not sure that I completely deserve it, after the way I just sort of “ghosted” you all. But if you give me a chance, I will do my best to make it up to you.

Thank you for listening. XO,


China Glaze “Mind The Gap”

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Aloha! I know I sort of vanished, didn’t I? I’m not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but I got a promotion at work. Go me! It hasn’t really kept me much busier than usual, but somehow I feel busier and I just didn’t have the energy to blog. It doesn’t help that this winter is kicking my ass as far as cuticle care and moisturizing goes. No joke, I have been SLATHERING my hands in Lemony Flutter at bedtime and when I wake up, my hands are still flaking. I don’t understand and am a step away from sleeping in gloves filled with Vaseline and Polysporin. But enough about that. On with the nail polish!

Mind the Gap is an amazing ugly pretty olive green polish with a blue shimmer. WOW do I love this polish. I don’t even care that it looks gross on me. I love it despite that. My bottle was a touch thin and streaky on the first coat but fixed itself after coat two. I used three coats, because it was sheer, yet it built pretty well. I feel like because my bottle was more on the thin side, three coats didn’t feel heavy.

Mind The Gap2

UGH. I just love this!

Mind The Gap3

That’s all I have for today. It’s almost time for another polish purge! I can’t believe it. I feel like I just did one, but that’s a lie. Stop it, brain. It’s been six months since you purged. I’ll see you guys next time!

Finishing off the Ciate Advent Calendar

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Aloha! I guess it’s finally time to finish my Advent Calendar posting. I’m fairly certain I only have two polishes left. Maybe three. They were alright. Nothing to write home about. Except for the full sized polish, which is GORGEOUS. And of course, I didn’t like how I paired it. Oh well. Learned my lesson. This one will be quick and sweet, and then I shall try and set up a blog schedule. I know I say that a lot but this time I am going to make a full blown effort. The past few weeks I’ve sort of fallen into a Friends’ hole and spent all of my free time watching all of the Friends. Makes up for Numb3rs being taken away. Ok! Enough rambling.

First up, is Power Dressing. This was a really pretty, squishy navy jelly. I used two coats for the swatch but I could’ve gone with three.

Power Dressing2

Then, I uncovered “Mistress” which is a tomato/Snow White apple red. It’s very classic and had a great formula. I used two coats for the swatch below and it was the perfect Christmas red.


Then…the glory that was my full sized polish: Celestial. When I first saw it, I thought it was just a holographic glitter with silver shards. But then I looked closer and saw a blue flash. Then when I put it on…oh man. I unfortunately wore it over Mistress and didn’t like that pairing. But it’s still a really pretty polish. I used it as an accent and slapped a red glitter polish over the other nails.


And then I blurred it and my nails look like embers.


That’s all I have for you for today. I will be back with a Nails Inc. polish that may as well have been a mini can of paint stripper, it smelled so bad. Until next time!

Ciate Advent Calendar Catchup Part 1!

Aloha! So, I have a lot of catching up to do with the Advent Calendar. What can I say? Life happened. When I last left you, I was talking to you about Superficial, which is a gorgeous colour. I’m not going to label the days because I honestly can’t remember which ones are which, so I’m just going to spam you with swatch photos.

Beach Bum was a fantastic nudey sand colour that looked so good on me. I’m sure I have a handful of colours just like this but for now, let’s pretend this is the only one. It did have that horrible patchy formula that seems to have plagued all of my Ciate cremes thus far. I just don’t get it. It’s got to be me. There is no way a brand of polish can be this bad. I refuse to believe it. I used two coats for the photos below.

Beach Bum

Apple and Custard was a weird colour. It’s a pea soup green that looks life barf on the first coat, then seems to find its legs on the second. At first, I really hated this colour. But it kinda grew on me. Not much, but a little. It had that same weird patchiness going on and guys. At this point in the AC, I’m getting a little bummed. The colours are ok, nothing amazing. They are pretty but plain. That might just be my love for flashy colours talking though. Espadrilles should’ve come way later in the calendar. It’s been my favourite so far.

Apple and Custard3

Knee Highs is a deep, shimmery navy blue. This is more like it! Then again, I doubt I could ever find a blue I hate. I LOVE when deep colours have that glow from within going on. Once I applied the first coat of this, I breathed a sigh of relief. A smooth, effortless formula. No patchiness, no streaking. Just buttery goodness.

Knee Highs

Next up, is Talent Scout, which is a great purple creme. Yes, I used the word great to describe a Ciate creme. I recently bought a bottle of Duri’s Rejuvacote and used that as my base for this polish. It must’ve been my base coat all along. I added an accent of Push and Shove as well. That was polish was…woah. In a good and bad way. The special base coat that comes with it really does nothing to help apply it. But that’s another post for another day. I really loved Talent Scout. It was a dusty, red toned purple as I was applying it, then just seemed to pull out some random blue tone once it was dry. Works for me! I used to coats for the photos below!

Talent Scout

That’s it for this post. Next post I will be back with the rest of my Advent Calendar polishes, including today’s full sized polish! Happy Christmas Eve, loves!

Ciate “Superficial” AC Day 14

Aloha! I sort of vanished, didn’t I? Well. The last four days were insane. I had just enough time to sleep and breathe, so nail painting and blogging was out of the question. That’s the only downside to this series. I can’t schedule posts in advance because…it’s an advent calendar and I’m not going to cheat. Mainly because Mr. J would kill me. Plus it’s fun to have a new polish to look forward to every day. Day 12 was the black version of “Girl With A Pearl” and Day 13 was a polish I already have, and until now, was sure I had blogged! I’ll be sure to post it tomorrow! Today (Day 15) I got another loose glitter, which I still can’t deal with right now. I’m so wiped out but things should calm down a smidge. At least until next week.

Superficial is a weird colour. I honestly can’t tell if it’s green or blue. Sometimes, I’m sure it’s green. Then, other times, it’s absolutely blue. No, it’s not a duochrome. It’s just a standard creme shade. Ciate’s website says it’s a “deep marine aqua” colour. Er…ok. I’d describe it as a deep hunter green, but that’s me. It does indeed have blue in it but I’d call it green. This is actually the shade of green I always pictured Slytherin wearing. I used two coats for the pictures below and guys. There HAS to be something wrong with my base coat because there is no way this many nail polishes have a terrible formula. It’s was patchy and kind of a nightmare. You can see it at the tips of my nails, all the trouble I had. And it has been almost ALL of the Ciate polishes I’ve used. So it can’t be the polish. That would be too unfortunate.


It’s such a pretty colour, formula flaws or not. That’s all for Day 14! Stay tuned tomorrow for a look at Day 13 and Day 16!

Ciate “Strawberry Milkshake” AC Day 11

Aloha! I know I said I was going to use the loose glitter in today’s post but…guys. I friggin CAN’T. Loose glitter is one of the least appealing things to me right now and really, today’s colour isn’t a good compliment for the glitter. I will include pictures of the glitter in the bottle because it deserves to be seen. But you will have to wait to see it on the nail. Now is not a time for me for me to commit to glitter. Yeah, I know. It should always be time for me to commit to glitter. Instead, I chose to commit to this pastel pink nightmare. I said it. This polish is a nightmare. I don’t know if Ciate just really needs to work on their pastels and light cremes or if I am just completely inept. In a wild display of self esteem, I am blaming Ciate. Strawberry Milkshake was three coats of patchy, streaky baby pink mess. Don’t get me wrong, it is a gorgeous colour. For some reason, this and hot pink are the only sorts of pink I enjoy.

Strawberry Milkshake

Mmmmm it does actually look like a strawberry milkshake.

Strawberry Milkshake4

OK and now I will show you the glitter, in all of its glory.


This is Prima Ballerina. I have glitter like this that I bought for a dollar but it’s ok because it is a pretty glitter. I am actually excited to use it. Just not right now. If I get another loose glitter tomorrow, I am going to go on a rampage. See you tomorrow!