Aloha! Wow…I am getting really good at making these apology posts.
2013 was not a good year for me. Well, the second half at least. This post is going to be a completely candid behind the scenes post about how I spent the tail end of 2013.
In September, I found a lump in my right breast. Knowing full well of my family’s history with breast cancer, and cancer in general, I immediately called my doctor. He decided to start small, as far as testing goes. So I went for an ultrasound. That would help them determine whether or not the lump was solid, or had fluid AKA a cyst. Turns out, it was solid. A solid mass was the first sign that it could just be a fibroadnoid, or I think that’s what they called it (Update: My brain just shot out the word fibroadenoma, which sounds a bit more on par with medical terms) which is just an annoying lump of tissue that comes and goes in most women. But, touching back on history, they wanted to be sure. So off I went for a mammogram.
Well, let me just say that mammograms aren’t nearly as scary and painful as everyone on the planet makes them seem. They are absolutely one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever experienced (up until that moment, but I’ll touch on that in a bit), because this machine flattens your boob as much as it possibly can without squeezing your muscle out like toothpaste…but oddly enough, it doesn’t hurt. Seriously, anyone that is scared to get screening done because of pain…fuck that. This weirdo machine with its pressure and cameras and squishing? A drop in the damn bucket if it saves your life. And it lasts about 45 seconds. I’m a HUGE wuss that cries for no reason so if I can do this, all of you ladies that are avoiding it, can. I promise. Do it. FOR YOUR HEALTH! But anyway…the results of the mammogram. Well, not as concrete as they would have liked. When I got that call, I had two choices: Wait 3-6 months to see if it would grow, or set up a biopsy. What would you do? Biopsy, obviously. At that point, it was already November 20th. Two months had passed since the discovery of the lump. And if a mammogram couldn’t determine complete sound of mind, only a biopsy could. So, with the call of a specialist clinic, I was set for a biopsy on December 12. Goody. More waiting…
Remember how I said my mammogram was the most uncomfortable thing I’d ever experienced? I was wrong. An ultrasound guided core biopsy was. I was frozen locally, so I couldn’t feel the doctor’s incision, but boy oh boy could I feel her shoving that needle into me. THAT is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. In my head, I can only imagine it was like re-threading a drawstring on sweatpants when they come out. The doctor assured me it was a good thing because I had “young breasts that are doing what they’re supposed to do.” But damn woman! It’s my boob, not a hoodie! That shit is WEIRD. And the noise the machine made when it took samples? Not cool. She warned me, by demonstrating it. But after that journey through the muscle mass, counting to three doesn’t cut it.
Me: *internally* Jesus, it’s like this woman is trying to find the last little bit of syrup in a slushie. Fuck this feels weird.
Dr: 1-2-3 Biopsy!
That was followed by a gun shot. A biopsy gun shot. It completely derailed my thoughts of figuring out what flavour my boob would be if it were a slushie. And then when she sucked the last little bit of syrup from that dark corner of my lump, she went searching for more. And then round two of 1-2-3 Biopsy. Which is my new least favourite game ever.
Fast forward to Tuesday. My doctor calls me and tells me that, while the tumour is benign (yay!) it has abnormal cells which could eventually become cancer. So, OUT WITH THE LUMP! A little bit more waiting for a call from the surgeon and then I will have this little shit apple out of me.
I’m sorry for such a wordy post, I just thought I would update you all on why I have been so…absent. My goal is to get back into a regular habit/schedule of blogging, so please stick with me through it. Thank you all so much for being with my blog as it grows and struggles.
I love you all so much and couldn’t do any of this without you